New Years Resolution Jokes?

Do you have any New Year's resolutions jokes?
So far I've been sent these jokes:

What is the definition of a New Year by a man's understanding?
The year women stop cleaning

What is the definition of a New Year by a woman's understanding?
The year men do something

Do you have more jokes about New Years resolutions?

asked by Jackson in Jokes & Riddles | 6487 views | 01-04-2010 at 11:16 PM

Some jokes I found:

"New years resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia."

Quit smoking
A friend asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking". The man says, " I am in the process of quitting". Right now, I am in the middle of phase one. What's phase one? I've quit buying.

Wedding and kids
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

Dieting - New Year Resolutions

2006: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.
2007: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.
2008: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2009: I will work out 3 days a week.
2010: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

New Year Jokes - One Liners

To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year.
I gave up thinking.

Definition of a hangover:
Wrath of Grapes.

answered by Terra | 01-04-2010 at 11:23 PM

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